Gray is Where the Grace Is

I was having lunch with a couple of friends after we viewed the movie Sparkle, and the topic of Whitney Houston's character, Emma Anderson, came up. If you haven't seen the movie and might see it at some point, nothing stated here will spoil your experience. What we discussed was Emma's inability to see beyond black or white. Like many of us, Emma thought there could only be one outcome if her daughters' lives went in one direction or a second outcome, the complete antithesis of the first one, if they went in the opposite direction. There was no middle ground for her.

As my friends and I continued to dialogue about this, we each thought of people we know personally who hold the same belief: things are either black or white. For them there is no such thing as a gray area. (Just to be clear, we probably all have an area or two in our lives where gray is not an option. Maybe it's a moral decision. Maybe it's a commitment we made to ourselves. Whatever it is and for whatever reason, we've decided there is no gray in that area or two.) But the reality is, most of us have chairs with our names inscribed on them in the gray. It's where we find ourselves more times than not on more issues than we would probably admit to. Gray is where many of us do life. So if black is right and white is wrong, or vice versa, what does that mean for those of us who find ourselves in the gray?

It might mean that we're not clear on the issue and can't take a firm stand either way. Or perhaps it means that somewhere in between the two extremes is our clear position and others don't get it. Perhaps there are other meanings, but the important thing to note is when we find ourselves there or when we are in conversation with others whose positions are in the gray, grace is available and in order. We should not beat ourselves up for holding a position that differs from others, nor should we beat up on others whose point of view on the matter is different from ours. Even if we know a person to be wrong (regardless of where they land between the extremes), our speech must be seasoned with grace. Emma got the message and changed her response to her daughters' decisions. I pray we will get the message too.