Whose Words Matter?

I had a conversation recently with a friend whom I love dearly. She's a multi-gifted single woman, and one of her most obvious gifts is her ability to manage money. She's so good at it, she was able to take advantage of an opportunity to leave her job (when her position moved to another location, several hundred miles away) and stay home while she contemplated her next career move. She has not worked in over 3 1/2 years and is still able to pay all of her bills, including a mortgage in one of the highest cost of living areas in the country.

The subject of our discussion that day was centered on the fact that her funds are running low and there are no job prospects on the horizon. My friend informed me that she was praying about possibly taking in a renter to help offset the cost of some of her expenses and I thought it was a great idea given she has so many female friends.

As we talked more I discovered she already had a potential renter in mind. It seems that one of her friends is facing foreclosure and is looking for a room to rent. That is, one of her male friends...a former boyfriend...a man about whom she regularly says, "I can't stand him!"

After asking a few question about the logic of this decision, her reply, in a nutshell, was that she needs money and he needs a place to live. Because she's a believer, I appealed to her to be prayerful about the decision and to consider the impact her decision might have on her witness for Christ. She quickly and curtly replied the Bible says "judge ye not." She continued to say this was simply a matter of economics and anybody who couldn't understand that, but would rather judge her when she has no romantic feelings for this would-be-renter, would have to deal with God because she won't give them the time of day. After a few more minutes arguing her point she stated, "Besides, I've talked to several people, including sister "Suzie" and sister "Q," and they all think it's a good idea."

(The brakes came to a screeching hault!!)

Because some people in her church circle think it's a good idea she feels justified in moving forward to become the landlord of a male tenant. In fact, she told me she wasn't praying about whether or not to rent the room to her friend, she's praying for strength so that he will not "get on [her] nerves."

Up until this point in the conversation I had done more listening than talking. While I certainly had concerns about her decision, I tried not to be judgmental or condemning. Years of friendship with this woman have taught me that dropping a few nuggets and allowing her to process them on her own works much better than telling her I believe she's headed down the wrong path. The truth is, she's just as stubborn as I am. So after giving her a few Scriptures to consider (Ephesians 4:27, 1 Thess 5:22, 1 John 2:10, Colossians 2:8), I decided to stop trying to play Holy Spirit.

We hung up that evening having two totally different opinions about the situation. She wasn't asking for my permission or opinion on the matter; she simply wanted to tell me what she was likely going to do. However, after we hung up, this idea of a Christian's responsibility to God and to others would not let go of its vice grip on me.

Is it possible for a believer to live with a non-relative of the opposite sex and God be honored in that living arrangement? Even when we're convinced our behavior honors God, do we also have a responsibility to ensure that same behavior does not cause others to think less of our glorious God? If the masses endorse our actions, are we OK to ignore God's word if it admonishes us act differently?

As Paul was giving instruction for believers at Colossae on how members of Christian households were expected to act, he says in 4:23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ." This passage seems to clearly state that our actions should be carried out with the goal of pleasing an audience of One. There is nothing wrong with seeking wise counsel and indeed we should tap into the resources available to us. For the believer, however, the final authority is God’s self-disclosure: the Bible.

The Apostle again speaks of doing everything to the glory of God without causing offense to our brother or sister, this time with the ultimate goal of their salvation in mind. 1 Corinthians 10:23-33 states:

²³" All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. " All things are lawful," but not all things build up. ²⁴Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor. ²⁵Eat whatever is sold in the meat market without raising any question on the ground of conscience. ²⁶For " the earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof." ²⁷If one of the unbelievers invites you to dinner and you are disposed to go, eat whatever is set before you without raising any question on the ground of conscience. ²⁸But if someone says to you, "This "has been offered in sacrifice," then do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for the sake of conscience— ²⁹I do not mean your conscience, but his. For why should my liberty be determined by someone else’s conscience? ³⁰If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks?

³¹So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. ³² Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, ³³just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."

In this passage Paul essentially says there are many things we have the liberty to do as believers ("all things are lawful"). But if there is a possibility that doing them will offend those who don't have a relationship with Christ, and as a result of that offense keep them from considering the possibility of a relationship with Him, Christians should choose not to do those things. As a matter of fact, not only should we not offend non-believers, our actions should also not offend the Church (v32). This does not mean we should become people pleasers (don’t pull verse 33 out of context!) but we should act with the eternal future of others in mind. Who knows? God might use our actions to draw that person into a relationship with Himself through Jesus the Christ.

The bottom line is that in Christ believers can exercise liberty in all areas of life. God has allowed people from diverse backgrounds and at various life stages to add something unique to our experience on earth. Those who truly care for us will seek to help when they know we have a need. We appreciate them and their offers of help, and we take to heart their counsel for our lives. Ultimately, however, we seek the wisdom and counsel found in God’s word because it is “a lamp to [our] feet and a light to [our] path” (Psalm 119:105), and it lights the way to Christ for those who may be watching.